He's not joking.

So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the Lord is about to destroy the city!” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.

Genesis 19:14 - God was not joking then, and He is not joking now.

She's a bit of a tyrant....

ty·rant

   /ˈtaɪrənt/ Show Spelled[tahy-ruhnt] Show IPA

noun

1.  a sovereign or other ruler who uses power oppressively or unjustly.

2. any person in a position of authority who exercises power oppressively or despotically.

3. a tyrannical or compulsory influence.

4. an absolute ruler, especially one in ancient Greece or Sicily.

 

 

on writing....

My fingertips rest in their spot on the keyboard.  I must will them to move.  I know I'm a writer because I suffer the worst writer's block ever.  You see, if I write something down, someone will read it, and then will come the ridicule for thinking my own thoughts and having feelings of my own.  Why am I struggling so?  Are those that would ridicule finally gone?  Their presence remains right here in my head.  Their voices have not been silenced in my heart.  The time has come to speak over them and to erase what their words have written on the tablet of my heart.

Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

processing

My niece killed herself on Tuesday. She was 33 - my step-sister's youngest daughter. She'd been walking the path of self-destruction for many years. The signs were all there but no one stepped in to intervene. Were we meant to? My heart aches in a way that cannot be described. She didn't tell anyone, and she left no message for those she left behind. She just didn't want to live any more, so she made sure she succeeded this time by putting a bullet in her chest as she drifted off. Six years ago, she took way too many pills and wasn't found until it was nearly too late. Her lips and fingers were blue so she was barely breathing when they found her. She convinced us then that it was an accidental overdose and not a suicide attempt. Obviously she had been suicidal for a long time, and none of us realized or considered it's severity. Are each of us that loved her partially responsible? Perhaps. None of us wanted this for her, but it was something she wanted for herself. If we had known, we surely would have stopped her. I'm sure that's why she didn't tell anyone.

Such sadness. Such a tragic loss.

Matthew 6:14-15

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
~Jesus, The Sermon on the Mount

Fear....

He is my light and my salvation.  Whom have I to fear? ~Jennifer Knapp

Fall 2012

Life is treating me well, and God is good to me. This year has flown by, and I have much more silver in my hair than at this time last year. Proverbs says gray hair is the crown of wisdom so I'm really not complaining.

My son moved back to Arkansas this summer. He's studying at UofA in Fayetteville now. He will be a student of something his entire life, I'm sure. He has turned away from Ayn Rand, thank goodness, but not until after he had read everything she had written and considered it for a while. So now he is working on his PhD in Economics. Still single, but I think that he'd like to find someone. My prayer is that he'll find a sweet Arkansas girl and settle down here.

My daughter's first wedding anniversary was May 28.  The newlyweds are doing well, and I have totally fallen in love with my son-in-law. He's very good to my daughter and her mother. A sweet boy with dimpled cheeks and a good heart. And he is financially responsible which is a rare quality to find in a young man these days, in my opinion. He is a gift from God.

My garden survived the drought this summer, and I have lovely flowers blooming finally, and houseplants all over the place. I'm obsessed. I take what I can to the office each winter because it is warm there and full of light. My house is more like a cave, and I like it that way. It's my hiding place.

Somewhat out of the blue, my second husband is back in my life again. He lives three hours south of me in a rural area called Lonoke. It's east of Little Rock and close enough to the freeway that it's not a long drive to work for him. He's classified as a journeyman in body work, and repairs wrecked big trucks. And he's a member of the Boozefighters Motorcycle Club now. It took him two years to get in, but he did it and he now has the family he was always searching for - and a harley which I will not ride. I'm no biker chick, but I do love Gearhead. So it is what it is for now, and we'll see what lies ahead when we get there.

And then there are Carrie and Charlie, my sweet roommates and protectors. Charlie is my parking lot dog, cuz that's where I found him three years ago. Carrie was a foster rescued from a puppy mill. I flunked on her, and adopted her myself. She had never known human kindness and was terrified of me. Once she grew to trust me, I could not send her away. So she has been here four years. They are BFF's and good company.

So I'm here, ready to curl up in my cave and hibernate for the winter while I watch my plants grow and spend time with my kids whenever I can. I've taken up macrame this summer and am working on plant hangers for the spring. I see cozy winter afternoons ahead, watching old movies and tying knots in jute.

 

Friday can't get here fast enough. I'm gonna try to get myself together enough that I don't have to leave the house all weekend. I'm in desperate need of normalcy. So thankful for my job. And I feel the need for some deep cleaning at home. Hope to have that done before my son comes home. Gives me incentive. Plus if I can get the house in order, I can spend the whole weekend digging in the dirt. Therapy. Necessary for survival.

We live by faith, not by sight.

I don't want to remember anymore.  I'd rather just forget and go on.  Looking back only results in becoming like a pillar of salt.  Fear paralyzes me too, at times.  Faith negates fear.  'I am weak, but He is strong.'  It's Christ that lives in me that will take my hand, lead me on this journey, and then bring me safely home again.

Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord.

What I might say to...

a young husband and father who recently lost his father in a tragic accident:  There is but One that can fill the emptiness your father left behind.  God desires to know you and to be your Father now. 

What I would say to Jim...

At my daughter's wedding, you asked me how I raised the kids that I did.  I answered, 'By the grace of God.'  I wasn't just saying that because it's something people tend to say when asked a question like that.  From the time they were born, I taught them about God.  And I taught them to seek Him first.  (Matthew 6:33).  They learned that God has more than just a plan for their lives, He has a plan for the deepest part of their heart and their very soul as well.  A God centered life is to know a life full of magic and wonder. When she was quite small, she looked up at me and said, "Momma, knowing God is like having a magic genie."  My heart stood still.

A mother's prayer yields great power.

I had a long phone conversation with my son last night.  He has a phone interview with the University of Arkansas today.  This was his last choice of the ten schools he has applied to and the first to respond.  And he left here a few weeks ago and has been very homesick ever since.  I think that God is telling him it's ok to come home.  I hope he listens.  A mother's prayer yields great power. 

kindness....

I would that all people might make the conscious choice to be kind.

Ephesians 4:32
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

1 Peter 3:8-9
⁸ Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;^{[a] 9} not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

outside of the lines

Lines are drawn around my heart
I dwell within the maze
Some are bold and some are bent,
A few are dim beneath the haze.

The deepest line holds close my faith,
And is the line I will not cross.
The finer lines are questionable.
Would a reach beyond be worth the cost?

One retains my self-respect.
Another holds back tears.
A lesson learned, a truth revealed,
Etched upon my heart throughout the years.

In humility I drew the line
That closes off my heart.
This line of fear I hope one day
Another’s heart will set apart.

February 9, 2001

Epiphany

The view when I look behind...

The view as I look forward...