Love and faithfulness...

Proverbs 3:3 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

'Write them on the tablet of your heart.'  I love that. 

So I searched 'love' first at dictionary.com, curious as to how the world officially defines it.  I should not have been surprised by what I discovered, but was nonetheless. 

love:  noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

1.  a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.  sexual passion or desire.

 The first two are warm and fuzzy enough, I suppose.  But #3?  Come on.  Sexual passion and desire are not love.  They are the manifestation of love for some, but in the world today, I doubt there are many of those to be found. 

God is love.  Take God out of the picture of the universe and you take out love.  Allow God to write upon the tablet of your heart.  :)

So how does the world define faithfulness?

faith·ful –adjective

1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty: a faithful worker.

2. true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.

3. steady in allegiance or affection; loyal; constant: faithful friends.

More to Life

Six months later.  There is definitely so much more to life than that.  God has given me a fresh revelation of Himself, His word, and the redemptive power of His love for us.

On May 28, 2011 I danced at my daughter's wedding.  I cannot remember a day in my life when I ever felt so carefree and unburdened.  Not once throughout all the days of my anticipation of this event did I imagine the impact it would have upon my spirit.  Twice in my life I have heard God speak to my heart and say "Well done."  This was the second time.  (The first is a story for another day.)  The revelation and realization of God's sovereignty has set me awestruck anew. 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

He revealed to me all that is lasting and lingers longer than a feast and a celebratory welcome home.

Spiraling downward...

Ten years have passed since my last major depressive episode, and MAJOR it was.  The temptation to just allow myself to sink back into it is very compelling.  There's the old familiarity again.  This I know all too well.  The hopelessness and worthlessness beckon me into their embrace.  There are two of me now.  The sensible and responsible side that knows I should go see a shrink before I lose control.  Close beside her is the sad little girl who just longs for someone to pick her up and hold her close and say, "You are safe.  I'll take care of you and make everything ok.  You can trust me."  Fat chance of that, huh?  lol

I opened up a bit to my daughter last night knowing that it would only make things worse.  The tears haven't stopped since.  I applied heavier than usual eye makeup this morning in an attempt to cover up my swollen eyes.  Problem is that the tears keep washing it away.  How can I get out and face the world today?  The same way I always have, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

There has to be more to life than this.

A new year

2011 is here.  The new year arrived full of fun, laughter and hope of new and exciting things to come - a momentary illusion.  Inevitably the cloud pressed in upon me once again.  Depression.  Sucks.  Three days into the new year and my life has returned to status quo.  Although I know that I am the only one that can change my circumstances, I feel powerless to do so.  Familiarity is comfortable regardless of how uncomfortable it is.  Four days passed and I didn't leave the house.  I haven't been back to church.  My heart is rebellious.  Perhaps this is my wilderness experience?  Or is that just another excuse to stay in my comfort zone though I find no comfort there?

I will not be moved.

So I made the conscious decision recently to wait for and then follow only God's leading.  Christmas Eve 2008, I felt led to visit a certain church.  I somehow managed to ignore that prompting until September of 2010.  How courageous I thought myself to be that I finally went.  Immediately (of course), I felt at home there.  God filled that place, and I bowed my head in wonder.  A chorus played over in my mind:  "In Your presence, that's where I always want to be."  Naturally, it took me another month to return, and that time I brought along reinforcement.  Again, the Spirit pressed upon my heart that I was exactly where He wants me to be.  This past Sunday, I came up with several legitimate reasons not to attend this church for the third time.  Each obstacle was removed.  Still feeling that I needed confirmation and approval, I questioned my motives to two trusted friends.  Stop questioning and just go!  Twice, I heard it.  I obeyed.

Over the past two days I have been bombarded with distractions.  Waiting is not easy.  God never said it would be.  He did however say that it would be worth it.  To obey is better than sacrifice.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.

Regardless of the distractions railed against me, I will not be moved.

Sticks and Stones

Words mean things. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  Do you remember hearing that saying when you were a kid?  A false statement to say the least.  I would much rather have been slapped than to hear some the words that have been spoken to me.  I remember being slapped across the face once by my father.  He certainly got my attention.  I was never able to get through to him though.  Perhaps I should have slapped him back? :)  He would not listen to my words.  He did not seek to know my heart.

Words are extremely important.  People really should remember to think before they speak.  Seriously, for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.  Jesus said that, you know.  Listen to people.  What are their hearts full of?  Sticks and stones? 

I love this simple prayer, "Lord, please help me today to make my words soft and sweet - for tomorrow I may have to eat them."  Author Unknown

def·i·ni·tion

*dɛfəˈnɪʃən/ Show Spelled[def-uh-nish-uhn] – noun
1.the act of defining or making definite, distinct, or clear.
2.the formal statement of the meaning or significance of a word, phrase, etc.
3.the condition of being definite, distinct, or clearly outlined.
4.Optics. sharpness of the image formed by an optical system.
5.Radio and Television. the accuracy of sound or picture reproduction.

*I don't know what dɛfəˈnɪʃən/  means but it looks cool, doesn't it?